Chapter 8 - Performing

In Phuket, Thailand last year...

Wow, I hadn't updated my blog for quite a while since I lost my internet connection *sniff sniff* (Only feel 'right' to use my own computer to blog unless I'm in a desperate mode you know~)

OK(!) So mainly I'm going to talk about what I've been thinking recently - Being a KPOP idol
I know, some of you will think it's impossible, some of you think it's lame and impossible, some of you don't even give a damn but being a singer was what I've dreamt of since very young and as I grew older, I came to know more of how the Entertainment Industry is really like - Glamorous on the outside, dirty on the inside. I still know very little about what really happens inside~~~ the industry as I have never experienced it before but at least I have a clearer mindset about it compared to last time.

Coming very soon in a few days, there's going to be a JYP Audition (Which has Wonder Girls, 2PM, 2AM, Miss A etc. inside) held in Singapore. Originally, there was a category for Dance. So I registered for that category but after a few days, they announced that there were to be no more Dance as JYPE wasn't looking for one currently. I felt a bit disappointed as I was really hoping to try out to show people my dancing and see if my standard of dancing is up to their expectations, so even if I were to not get in, I would not feel any sadness in me as I'm doing it just for experience. And if I were~ to get in, I still wouldn't sign a contract with them cause 1)Parents 2)Life here 3)I'm not ready 4)I don't think it's the path for me yet 5)Complicated

So after they said they didn't need any dancers, I just kinda heck cared about the audition already..I like to sing too but I wasn't that confident in my singing yet to actually go and showcase it so yea, didn't feel like changing my category to singing. Also, the dates of the JYP Audition clashes with my vacation in cruise so Aigoo~ I had a dilemma for days and days:

-Should I just try out singing? Even if my singing is just average?
-I can't cancel my trip to cruise
-I have to register again but it clashes with my Modern Dance
-I don't wanna be out of my Modern Dance's dance routine so I don't wanna skip it too
-Should I just heck care about this audition?
-I think they'll come back for another audition again
-Urgh, I'm missing my chance
-I don't care if I get in or not but I need to overcome my fear
-Aish I have~ to give up one for the other..I can't have both!
-*Prayer to God*
-Etc.

So yeah, till yesterday, I was still having all these frustrations..Just to perform for a minute, just to see if I can even be a participant there anyway, risking my Modern Dance's performace etc. - And I'm making myself stressed over this *Gongs my head*

But just yesterday, I read a news that YG Ent. (Artists like SE7EN, BIG BANG, 2NE1, Gummy etc.) were going to have an audition in Singapore next year! That's when I totally pushed aside JYP's Audition as I prefer YG to JYPE/SM truthfully (JYP/SM bias you can continue to support your idols there don't worry! I love SMTOWN, I like the JYP Family too! But for company-wise, I still think YG is the best *smile*)

I hope YG will have a category for Dance, but most of all, I just hope I will really be able to participate without disrupting anything that I need to do during that period of time. But again, whether I get in or not, I don't really mind, I just want experience as I always feel like I'm letting opportunities go. To me, I prefer Auditions compared to Contests - Because in auditions, no one ranks you, they just selected but in contests, they rank you with 1st, 2nd and 3rd and if I were to join contests, I don't really have any confidence because I still find myself very average - Singing & Dancing-wise. Going for contests are good to get experience too but....Eehehhee, I'll try to go for small contests first..Not those really big ones where all the super talented people BOOMZ out their talent and the small lil' me will be watching like this -> O__________________________________________O...................

Mmhm(!)

So my dilemma now is all gone and I just want to concentrate in improving myself in Character/Personality,Study,Talent-wise <-Just this 3 which kinda makes up most students' life right keke...

But I still have one more dilemma in me - To live the ordinary fun life / To live the KPOP Idol Star life
I want to have a fun, free and enjoyable life but once you become a celebrity, it's hard to actually have this 'free' word..That's why..Aigoo, I'll just let life go on and see what comes neh..

TIME TO EAT MY MASH POTATO! I said I was going to heat it up 1/2 an hour ago! TSK! Okay~ Byebye~! FISHY ARE YOU READING THIS? Thank you very much for your Effiel Tower Keychain(!) *Bow bow*



___________________________________________________________

Edited: Alright, now they said there's dance again so I have 75% chance of registering for it again and 15% chance of not making it in terms of reaching there not getting selected