Chapter 20 - The soothing touch of Ease

Joey Sunbae-nim & I ; Look at our Racoon-boxed-in-the eye make-up for SYF O__O

Christina,Joey&I after washing up after SYF: Ahh~ So much better without make-up!

Yo, SYF is finally over, and I can concentrate more on my studies now. That's the good thing. But the sad thing is the missing of going for practice countless times in a week. However, now that SYF is over, we will have new things coming in and I really wonder what are those "things"~ Not confirmed yet so..Mm..

Anyway, we got a Bronze for SYF and I am actually half-happy about the award. Before saying anything more, I shall state that the judges this year raised the level/standard of skill&technique because some schools did really(!) well this year and thus, we got a Bronze. In SYF, I was told the judges will compare every single school with each other and see where the standard is at. Apparently, I think there were some schools who did many stunts, flying here and there and definitely had the technique and skill thus the standards were raised.

When I first heard we got Bronze, I knew I would expect that yet I still thought we could get at least a Silver. Yet I heard that schools that had danced WOW-ingly on the day we performed also, got a Bronze. They really "Wow"ed us yet they got the same award as us, same standard in the judges' eyes. I guess their not looking for Hiphop dancing...

But for us, we didn't do Hiphop, we did some weird kind of dance that I don't think I can call it Contemporary. It was just - weird. A weird dance of the future, we're zombie robots that dominate the future;That kind of weird. Heard that the judges gave comments about our dance too. They said our foot work from one place to another was quite messy and our choreography was very repeated. About the foot work, I admit that it's cause we didn't pay much attention to that when we were in practice.

But about choreography being repeated, that is to be told to whom? The instructor, the person who choreographed the dance, the person who rushed to finish our dance. In the beginning of the year, she made our steps very...Not moving, just walk here and there, and said that was her style so we should follow too. My Teacher-in-charge, Mdm Law, did not approve of such kind of dance thus she asked her to change the steps to more bigger actions, "flying" actions. So yeah, she did change the actions to more "flying". And that "flying" action, was repeated 3 times in our whole choreography, and it took up about 2/5 of our whole choreography, the too-much-repeated steps comment from the judges, was that "flying" action.

What about the other 3/5? It was basically consisted of re-used steps we used for our Sec 1 Orientation performance and the move-here-and-there steps that Mdm Law DIDN'T want. Can you see that the instructor did not put her heart into helping us choreograph a nice dance? I knew we could do much better with a better choreography. And what made me upset is, she choreographed for another school taking SYF this year too, and she said she hoped that school can get a Gold. Then what about us? If she wants to dedicate herself to one school, why put a half-hearted instructing in our school? Maybe, that school had better foundation and technique in dancing, thus it was easier to teach them more steps. But as an instructor, it is also her job to let us learn the techniques, she did for the first time she came in, but gave up on us just like that, after seeing that we can't do it properly. If she taught us and pushed us more, I bet we could've mastered those skills.

The seniors(Sec 4s&3s) WANTED to feel pain during warm-ups, training on splits, trying to do some stunts and other things like that. But our warm-ups were easy things that can help us in balance and stuff(That is important) but she didn't emphasize anything on real stretching.

But there's still one more reason that the judges gave us a Bronze despite such a simple(!) choreography - We had the Energy(Aura). On that day itself, we really let it all out, after performing I could still feel myself having the after-effect, wobbling;shaking from putting so much energy, and even feeling the energy put by others. Maybe that's the reason we got a Bronze, we didn't have enough technique, but the energy was there. I believe that if we had a better choreography, plus the 3 months of time to train, we could've gotten a Silver, or a bonus of Gold.

To summarize, I do like my instructor as a person, we laughed with her while having normal conversations, but when it comes to her choreographing, I wish we could just change to a BETTER instructor. But I know it's not up to our choice to choose who we want to be taught by but without doing anything, we can't make the dance better right? I'm glad yet sad that SYF is over, the journey was really tiring, stressing yet enjoyable.

I know there's no use of regretting, I don't regret at all. And there's no use of complaining, but I am just saying what I feel, opinions you know. And what I've said, it is a fact AND an opinion. So I'm just saying~

I will always dedicate myself to Modern Dance and can't wait to perform as Modern Dance for future performances, am also planning to go back after I graduate to help Modern Dance out to get our Gold! I know that Modern Dance will always continue to improve, there's no limit~

Thank you Lord, Our God.

I didn't type too much did I?

Extra

Hehe, Kindergarten Graduation dance~ Can't believe I could do a dance routine then since I'm like a slow-thinking girl then....

Younger sister&I: Ee~ I sat so straight last time, *Literally trying to sit up straight while typing this now*

That's our past Miniature Schnauzer, Rain Rain (After the weather, nope I didn't name that..) Had to give him away cause he had ticks ='( 

Chapter 19 - Brightening of the fading screen

Was holding Jiaxing's poms poms to cheer for my class during this year's school's Sports day! See~ I told your I'll be a good cheerleader for the class and not some !@*#(@&#^ athletic doing games for you(I skipped the games and went to cheer but we still got 1st for everything besides the running cause we ran leisurely~) Solo picture!

How long has it been since I blogged? More than a month! Well, my computer officially broke down thus I couldn't blog and now I'm using my younger sister's computer with my own account to blog and use computer stuff Mm. There isn't much to blog about especially after leaving this place for very long.

SYF is coming VERY soon, 3 more days! Monday is the last day of our practice and I'll make sure every single one comes into one and that we can get our desired award. It is kind of hard but we have to try to our very best right? Will always pray to God<3

Oh yeah, I feel kind of troubled yet relieved. These days girls are falling for so many different handsome/cute guys in school. And I agree with them too but it's like I don't have any feelings for them at all. It's like "Mm, yea their really really good-looking," but my heart is like some dead corpse couch potato that doesn't beat at all and my mind is like "O____O..." Just like that heheh~ That's the troubled part...BUT

The relieving part is that, at least I'm not falling for someone that is just for looks right? At least what my eyes sees doesn't deceive my heart right? And~ at least I know that I can wait for the right person for my heart to flutter like a butterfly or whatever feeling people get when their really really in love. I can't even feel any flutter in my heart when I see an eye candy! That's why I think my heart is like some couch potato now~ yet my eyes are blasting like loud music at every nice thing I see.

And last but not least, at least I know God is saving the right one for me<3

Have been praying a lot for many different things, but I know God hears all my prayers, even small little thoughts that even I am not aware of, and I know that he will work all of it out for me throughout my life such that I will never have regrets to live with. My faith just grows stronger and deeper with him. 

Chapter 18 - Remembered Past of that Young One

 Was looking through one of my family's photo album and decided to take picture of some of my childhood pictures. Most of the pictures was when I was somewhere in Australia staying at a Farm! Looking at it now, I really love that Farm environment ; Maybe not all that smelly poop and stuff but the greenery *smiles* Australia is the only country/state/city that I have really gone overseas to. So special memories are from there! So yeah, shall just update my blog with these pictures~!

Would die to ride a horse now but can't believe I rode it long before, and that time, since I was still very young, riding a horse was like going to playground = Nothing special. But now it's V-E-R-Y special to go horse riding! *faints*

Candid! Was halfway coming down those "big" steps which may be counted as "small" steps to me now~

At one of Gold Coast's beach! The sand was really soft! And that's not my childhood lover beside me hor, that's my eldest brother!

That's my younger sister on the left and me on the right! But this ain't in Australia haha, just a random photo. My eyes were big-er last time compared to now, I think it's really due to that I started to wear spectacles for more than half of my life already T_T And look at my sister's rosy cheecks! *Squishes*

And now~ Haha, this is a random shot too *Squishes cheeks too haha* *Gets slapped*

                                                                         -END-

Chapter 17 - Life of living

Joey sunbae-nim & I during Sec 1 Orientation

Has been weeks since I have updated this blog. I visit my blog everyday to see a same post, again. And it's irritating me that the post drags along with my blog for weeks so I shall update nonsense for a while.

Life has generally been fine: School, tests, friends, Me-sleeping-like-a-pig every single day, and all the normal things you find every day.

Truthfully, I should be using my hands/fingers to do some homework and revisions right now. But instead, I'm using them to type on the keyboard right now and you see, I'm still continuing to type.

But too bad, I guess I'll just continue typing for just this while... ...

So~...What shall I blog about hmm hmm?

I guess I shall talk about Modern Dance again~..I think I always seem to talk about it on my blog? But seriously, I have more to say about dance than about studies, cause studies, everyone knows what's going on anyway.

Well, to summarize, I really am against the choreography for our SYF. We finally finished the dance BUT, it really isn't a standard to dance for SYF, it's so simple AND repeated that I can even just ask some random non-dancer to come and do the dance with me. 

And, my instructor doesn't seem to care about the quality of the dance, she looked as if she's overjoyed to (rush) finish the dance and that's it. Is her only motive to finish her job, and leave us to struggle alone to achieve a Gold with that kind of choreography? I'm not a judge and I really wonder, will those judges, even if we put our up-most efforts, energy, in sync and emotions into the dance during SYF, give us a Gold? Worthy of a Gold? That's my main worry for now. 

And I have to say I dislike the instructor, She promised us a Gold when she first came in to teach us. Then what is this right now. She promised us a Gold, then about 3 weeks ago when I asked her if we can get a Gold, we want a Gold, will we get it? And she just came up to tell me that what I've just said, is of no use, I have to do it. And I just repeated what I said to her, and she repeated her answer to me. I asked her one more time, and she said 'yes'. What is this? I was being very serious to her, that I really meant that we must get that Gold. And all she told me is that. Then what about her words she first told us 'Can help you get a Gold'? I know, I understand, Gold does not depend on the instructor, choreographing is a hard thing, it depends on our hard work, our mindset to do it. But to get a Gold, we need the HELP of an instructor, the HELP of a GOOD choreography, even with good discipline, how can we show what we've got with a choreography that wasn't choreographed with the heart, but choreographed because of urgency to rush and push aside quality?

And do you know what she told us before? "For SYF, I will not do all those big actions like you fly here and there, I will only do motioned actions, just move here and there, because it's my style. So you must follow MY style." And you want to know more? When we did OUR style, she pushed off our style and asked us to follow HERS. I know, we should go according to what an instructor wants in the choreography, but was SYF meant to express what an instructor likes in dance? I don't think so, SYF was meant for US, US youths, NOT instructors. The only thing for instructors to do was to HELP us, HELP us make a choreography, so WE can express ourselves.

I know saying will be of no use, but what I say, I will put it into action, I just want to be heard from those that I speak to, for them to be aware of it. So for now, I will do as much as I can for the Modern dancers, I shall try my best to push aside my shy-ness infront of the Sec 1s and try my best to guide them along this dance, even if it's a horrible dance, we should at least put out our best for a horrible dance, then can we do a better dance next time. And if we are not to get good results for our SYF after putting 200% of commitment, sweat and hardwork with that choreography, I will not want to blame anyone in Modern dance, because we gave it our all, but who led us to do such a dance - our instructor. I know pointing at others is bad, but in the first place, this was a bad instructor.

But if we do get good results, I will learn to appreciate my instructor more and also realize that maybe SYF is not only about doing a nice choreography. But because of my uncertainty , I have these thoughts right now.

I think some will not like me in Modern Dance because I MAY turn to be bossy, asking them to do this and that, but I hope they can understand me that getting a Gold, not for myself, but for Modern Dance's pride, is really important. And after SYF is over, we can have fun, do the styles we like, express ourselves in every way we like.

I shall stop about the worries of Modern Dance now and move on to another topic:

Here are some funny pictures I found in Twitter from a person whom is a friend of JYJ(members of TVXQ), his obsessed with eggs:

And here are some pictures of my Secretly-painted-them-at-Guardian nails(Got tempted to apply them after seeing my younger sister apply them) - I horribly did the Dark blue one(I'm bad at feminine things alright - Make-up/Cosmetics, House work - But I wish to learn alright~...) but after I washed my hands with water, the polish that I painted on the skin surrounding the nail got washed off too^_^V, my younger sister did the other 2 colours (I prefer that greenish-sea-blue one than the highlighter pink):

After I removed the polish with the nail polish remover

Heheh, I guess that's all for today, and maybe for weeks. I just noticed I haven't eaten anything for the whole day besides a few plain crackers.

Chapter 16 - I Can Be

Taken after CCA Rectuitment with our make-up unwashed yet! Really didn't know Shanbin was peeking through the space!

Wow, looks like I finally updated! I got bored of seeing the same post for the past few days/weeks on my blog. School has been alright, I slowly coping with the difference of lower sec & upper sec life and though I find it frustrating when I don't understand (who doesn't?), I'll still work harder so I can do well!

I really love Literature, I have a really good, strong based Literature&English teacher, Ms Chia, who is Snoopy-obsessed! Haha! Before learning Literature&English from her, I didn't realize there were so much details that could be dug out in just one simple line where an ordinary person would find normal and plain. Through her lessons, I really learn a lot! And today after Lit lesson, we had a mini conversation which made me quite happy:

Ms Chia: Jiaxing you must be very good in Maths right?Jiaxing: NO! I hate Maths!
Ms Chia: You look like those who are good in Maths
Jocelyn&Nicole talking at once: She's good in Maths, She passed the diagnostic test! I only got 8....I LOVE MATHS!
Me: .....I LOVE LITERATURE! *Spreads out my hands*
-Awkward silence-
Ms Chia: Yea, I can see your the Literature type
Also, I really like my class and the teachers(90% of them)! 3E5 is like a class of quietness, rowdiness, calmness(?)...Like, all in one! And guess what? We're the only class in Sec 3 Express to have so many different Combinations - Some take Geog, Some take Hist, Some take Lit, Some take POA, Some take Phy and Some take Bio. Although we have to keep changing classes for subjects, it still doesn't feel so.....messy you know?

Talking to my other classmates besides Nicole,Jocelyn,Jiasiang&Jiaxing is still kind of awkward and weird and...awkward BUT I'm trying my best to like..communicate with them a bit~ They must think I'm really quiet&shy and that's not my first time hearing that as a first impression of me but I'm really not that kind inside alright~! Just with new people I am T_T

Another thing to blog about is about Modern Dance again, though working hard for our CCA Recruitment, we didn't receive a good response from the audience (Not the Sec 1s but those who were watching). They gave comments that were hurting like boring, don't understand, we're going to close down etc. And I had to put up a fake smile the whole time while asking Sec 1s to join our CCA. Even walking around the hall was hard cause it made me feel like people gave glances at Modern Dancers that we're lousy. I don't mind that they don't understand our dance and stuff but why say that we're going to close down if they don't know what's happening inside our CCA? Why create such rumors that our attitude isn't good and stuff when you don't know how we are like?
Maybe you guys have that impression of us because of our seniors last time, which I still have no idea what happened last time as my batch and the juniors weren't part of the school that time. However what our seniors did, is not how we are now, and nobody would want people to look bad at them. You know it's hurtful seeing people like other performances but when it comes to ours, it's just "messy"? I know that our skills aren't those of clear-cut,distinct,powerful and in sync YET(!) but we still work hard to improve, step by step. That's why I really want to work hard for Modern Dance, not only me but others too, to bring back Modern Dance's pride. I want to get a Gold for SYF, We MUST get a Gold, at LEAST a Gold. Now my only thought is.........Is our dance routine, good enough to qualify for a Gold? Or is it just a motioned dance that our instructor likes with no thought of helping us achieve a Gold? That's what's worrying me. I enjoy dancing to it because it's fun. But what about the criteria for Gold? Is that routine good enough? I'm a minor at all these but it's just that sense of being unsure if it's good enough you know. And it's rude&disrespectful to tell an instructor, helping us to choreograph & questioning her if what she choreograph is good enough. It's like downgrading to her.
What I know now is that we, Modern Dance, will really work hard, to bring pride to our CCA, and not only for just a while but continue to improve, even if that improvement is just a small bit. I know talk is cheap, and I can really do nothing else but say this and work hard myself, but I hope/am sure the others want that too.

Heard that we managed to recruit 15 new juniors for our CCA, some which are guys, I'm quite sure some will quit after seeing the dance routine our dance instructor choreograph because they'll think the dance is weird and maybe even some guys will quit because they thought in Modern Dance, you get to learn BBOY-ing, but we don't learn that here, the BBOYs do BBOY-ing themselves, unless they won't mind teaching the guy juniors.

To end off, I found this song called 'I Can Be' by Taio Cruz and here is the lyrics which kind of relates to hardships and in our case, Modern Dance:

Now I feel that this hold of mine has taken many forms
Still sometimes the rain can turn into a waterfall
The prettiest things can come out of the coldest mind, yeah
And even with broken wings, sometimes you find your way to fly

It's time to be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
It's time to be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
It's time to be

Now I feel that this soul of mine has had its many tolls, yeah
Still sometimes the pain is what we need for us to grow, yeah
So when it's time for me to look into my deepest side
I will, I will find a way to hold onto the love inside

It's time to be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be

See I can be anything I want to be
All I have to do is put my mind to it and I can do it
So what I want you to do is put your fist to the sky and say it with me:

I can be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be bigger bigger, stronger stronger, harder harder
Yes, I can be
END GEUD!